Chapter 3
“How do you tell legitimate hope from unfounded hope? By looking carefully at the facts” — DR. HOWARD HALPERN
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If you were asked to mention the qualities you want in a mate, no doubt you will list all the wonderful human qualities on earth. Perhaps you will not forget to mention that you will like your mate to be loving and caring. Well, that is good.
But you start the wrong way. You should have started by asking yourself if you possess those “angelic” qualities in your master list. For example, ask yourself, Am I loving and caring?
You see, everyone looks for different qualities in a mate. For instance, what appeals to me, may not appeal to you. No wonder it is said that what is one man’s meat is another man’s poison.
This reminds me of one beautiful lady who loved Socrates the Greek philosopher for his intelligence, and asked for his hand in marriage. She reasoned that they would make excellent children. Because their children would combine her beauty with Socrates’ intelligence.
But the beautiful lady, a dullard who could not add one and one, forgot something which the ugly Socrates reminded her. “What if our children combine your empty brain with my ugly face?” he asked. And that ended it.
So, it means that we should look for a rounded mate. One quality alone is not enough. And we too should posses qualities that our mate should look at and admire. But what questions should you first ask yourself?
Am I willing to make a life long commitment to my partner? Matthew 19: 6
You don’t marry today with the view to divorcing tomorrow, if things don’t go your way. Marriage is a life long commitment. God hates those who abandon their mates. — Malachi 2: 13-16.
Am I now physically mature to make sound judgment? — 1 Corinthians 7: 36
Picture teenage couples in a matrimonial wedlock. These ones are still going through changes in their life. Lack of any life experience, coupled with the strong sexual desires incidental to their age, will distort their thinking and judgment.
Do I have traits that will help me to contribute to a successful marriage? — Galatians 5: 22, 23.
You should try to cultivate those qualities that you want of your marriage mate. Compatibility is the word. But know that even twins are not exactly identical. So don’t even think of marrying a relative in order to make the best out of marriage. And don’t think you can change anyone. That is wishful thinking. Try changing yourself first!
Do I have the maturity to support a male in difficult times? — Galatians 6: 2.
It is not the time to play the blame game when problems arise. You will agree that we live in difficult times, and this calls for maturity in handling issues. That is why you are two. — Ecclesiastes 4: 9, 10.
Am I a cheerful and optimistic person? — Proverbs 15: 15
If you are a critical, gloomy and negative person, marriage will not change you. Instead you are going to strain the marriage. Why not add some humor to your life by being cheerful and optimistic. Remember, such character repels, and is dangerous to your health.
Do I exercise self control? — Galatians 5: 19, 20.
One who cannot control his temper is a dangerous person. He can be violent, and may even kill before realizing it. Would you like to marry and end up in jail for murder? — Ephesians 4: 26.
Questions to ask of your prospective mate.
Let’s say he is a male, although some of these questions may well apply to a female. What would you want of your male partner?
Does he have a good reputation? — Philippines 2: 19: 22.
Yes, the way a man is viewed by others, including those under his authority will enable you to know the kind of reputation that he has. Unfortunately, most good women marry bad men. — See 1 Samuel 25: 3, 23 –25
Does he have good morals?
Find out if the man you intend to marry is pretentious. Perhaps he wants to get you just to satisfy his sexual desires. Such persons think of themselves first. They do not even fear God.
Does he treat me kindly? — Ephesians 5: 28, 29.
A kind husband would treat his wife in a kind manner. He trusts and praise his wife; he is not excessively jealous and is moderate in his expectations of her. Would that not be how you want your future husband to treat you?
Does he respect his family members?
Also find out how your prospective mate treats his parents and relatives. If he is rude to his family members, then you should expect trouble from him. But if he is respectful and obedient to his parents, then expect him to treat you lovingly after the marriage.
Does he allow anger to control his life?
Many families have been ruined by violence. So if your prospective mate is given to fits of anger, that is a clear indication of danger. A woman who marries such a man will be subject to verbal and physical abuse. Do you call that marriage?
Does he have right goals?
Find out if your future mate has attainable or visionary life goals. For example, does he want to be a millionaire? Will it do him good? Or is it his goal to serve God?
So the above questions will help you to scrutinize your mate in order for you to find out if such one has the qualities that are needed to make a successful marriage. Try to look beyond the wedding day. For you are going to live with this person all the days of your life.
But now, how can you have a successful courtship?
(To be continued)
To be continued
(EXCERPTED FROM THE BOOK, “SUCCESSFUL DATING AND MARRIAGE.” THIS TEN-CHAPTER BOOK IS AVAILABLE FOR SALE. INTERESTED BUYERS SHOULD CONTACT THE AUTHOR.)
ARTHUR ZULU is an editor, book reviewer, playwright, and published author. He also writes short stories, scripts, essays, and poems.
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About the Author
ARTHUR ZULU is an editor, book reviewer, playwright, and published author. He also writes short stories, scripts, essays, and poems.